Dove uninspirational messages

Recently I got a hold of some Dove chocolates which were part of a promotion by Dove where they would print inspirational messages given by the average US citizen. Maybe it's just me, but these so-called inspirational messages were more like lowered expectations. In fact, I'd recommend nearly the opposite of most of them for ACTUAL inspiration.
Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.
Alternate inspirational message:
Treat yourself, as long as you've earned it.
Yes, if there's one thing history has taught us, it's that feelings never lead people astray.
Alternate inspirational message:
Consider using your cognitive abilities to a small extent before blindly following your animal urges. That's what makes you human.
No need to try any harder!
Alternate inspirational message:
You'll never really be the best, but you can certainly get closer.
I'm not certain what this means exactly, but my best guess is the following: Do something nice for someone who you wouldn't normally care about AND who has had a terrible day. A social ambulance-chaser.
Alternate inspirational message:
There are always opportunities to help out, but don't seek them out simply to avoid your own issues.
I know that when I pass up the ugly Burt's Bees and go for the Chanel lip gloss I feel like I can handle anything.
Alternate inspirational message:
You don't need adornment to feel good, and in addition you probably are addicted to that gorgeous lip gloss.
Because healthy communication is overrated.
Alternate inspirational message:
Indulge, for once, in reality.
Not only is this questionable advice, I'm pretty sure that it is also a blatant lie.
Alternate inspirational message:
Exercise a little restraint this holiday season, and you'll feel great inside and out. Or just exercise.
I think failure is actually when you miss a stepping stone.
Alternate inspirational message:
Failure feels awful. But it's not all bad - in most cases, you can learn something for next time.
No need to think about what might be wrong. Everything is always fine.
Alternate inspirational message:
You may NOT be fine, but that's ok. Ask for help. There are tons of resources out there for this.
You can't watch ALL the TV on, all the time.
Alternate inspirational message:
Obviously it's impossible to do it all, but you can probably do a bit more!
Life is pretty easy if you just decide not to care.
Alternate inspirational message:
If life is not tough for you, you are not pushing hard enough. Otherwise, keep it up.
An empty closet is an empty heart.
Alternate inspirational message:
It is spiritually liberating to clean out your old and unused possessions.
I've always been most inspired by the productivity of drug addicts.
Alternate inspirational message:
It's totally acceptable to waste some time. Don't go overboard and you'll feel great.