The Faces of Animal (my sister)


So you want to meet Animal? You're either fearless or just plain crazy. You'll still need help, if you want to survive. Here, I've compiled an illustrated guide to Animal's emotions. Heed the warnings and you may live to tell the tale.

The Animal Attacks Advisory System (right) combines threat information with vulnerability assessments and provides communications to public safety officials and the public.

Update: An Animal attack was caught on video!



Affectionate

Just don't laugh at her antics
Alarmed

Could be fight or flight
Anxious

Use slow, calm speech to soothe Animal
Bored

She is likely to look to you for amusement
Calm

No danger: she is likely to fall asleep
Confused

Highly unpredictable. Could be a punch coming, or she may just fall asleep
Constipated

She's not going anywhere, you're safe
Despairing

This stage won't last long: stay clear
Disappointed

Stay sympathetic, don't get in the middle
Disgusted

She tends to retreat when disgusted - she typically doesn't lash out
Distant

Just because she's quiet doesn't mean she's defenseless
Distrustful

Whatever you did, stop doing it. Quickly.
Dubious

Back off.
Empowered

She doesn't know her own strength or when to stop
Enraged

Run.
Excited

She may be a little unpredictable here
Fascinated

Hopefully you aren't the thing that caught her attention.
Festive

She is unlikely to put you at risk
Furious

It only looks like a smile because she is about to attack
Grumpy

Don't interact. Any comments may get you killed.
Heartbroken

Be aware, this may quickly turn to anger.
Humble

You won't get violent behavior here
Humiliated

Animal hates to be humiliated. Expect retaliation.
Hungry

I haven't known her to kill for food, but you never know...
Hurt

Attempt to deflect blame to something else
In heat

See the teeth?
Indecisive

A rare one. Not enough information to give advice.
Indignant

Animal can be very defensive. Apologize.
Intent

You may be out of luck on this one
Intrigued

I'm not sure why she's wearing a horseshoe crab
Jealous

This can be one of her most powerful emotions. Hide your possensions.
Jubilant

She celebrates hard too - don't let your guard down
Lighthearted

Unlikely to be violent
Lustful

If you don't go to the gym regularly, stay clear
Melancholy

She may look asleep/sleepy, but this can be her most dangerous time
Mischievous

Her games will not be fun for you
Offended

This is likely to be a game, she is not easily offended. Still, be cautious.
Passionate

Don't forget a towel!
Playful

Plan for a rest after horsing around
Provoked

I really don't have much sympathy for you - you asked for it
Puzzled

She may remain in this state for quite some time, take a breather
Satiated

Nap Time!
Scheming

Distract her with something else more interesting before her plans develop.
Serene

Let her sleep and you'll be fine
Shocked

Extremely unpredictable. Be ready for anything.
Skeptical

This one looks worse than it is
Suspicious

She's on to you. Back off.
Terrified

She will sacrifice you to save herself in the face of danger.
Threatened

I hope you're ready for a fight. You can't bluff her into backing down.
Timid

She is almost definitely faking it to pull you close
Uncertain

Now's your chance to make her certain. There's a small window for this.
Weak

Even Animal gets tired for real.
Disturbed

Doesn't happen often. You must be a sick individual.