Wrecked Foods

All the time I find a new food that I SHOULD like, but I can’t because it’s laced with nasty onions. The onion lovers say: “Well you can’t even taste the onions…”. Then why are they there??? The lovers say: “They just enhance the flavor.” The flavor was good to begin with, until you wrecked it!

Meatloaf

This is one item I really should love. (See Meat) So it was never clear to me exactly why it made me want to puke.
Pre-Onion Rating: 8/10
Wrecking Amount: Very High
Edible: No
Method: The meat is absolutely FILLED with small, almost invisible, onion pieces. It is tough to get a bite without getting a nasty onion into your mouth. Plus, all the meat flavor is infused with that disgusting onion taste.
My advice: Don’t waste your time trying to pick them out. Grab some Burger King instead.

Potato Pancakes

What could go wrong with fried potatos? Well, onions.
Pre-Onion Rating: 6/10
Wrecking Amount: Quite High
Edible: No
Method: Sometimes heavy frying can almost kill the onion taste. But the insides have onions that have only been warmed. The onions blend in heavily with the potatos.
My advice: Eat ONLY the crispy outside. The worst onions are hiding inside. Give the rest to your dog. (If you don’t like your dog)

Pot Roast

Perfectly good meat, ruined. Pre-Onion Rating: 8/10
Wrecking Amount: Medium
Edible: Yes
Method: Onions are strewn throughout and between the slices of meat. Often the meat is cooked with the onions, destroying the natural goodness of its flavor. No slice of pot roast remains untainted. Even if big onion chunks are not used, the cook will probably use onion soup mix.
My advice: It is possible to pick off all the onions, but just make sure to put them somewhere far from your plate or their stench will ruin your meal. It is possible to detect the original flavor of the meat, but you may need an imagination.

Bagels

People always try to pass onion bagels off as food. I thought that bagels in the LA area were disgusting for my whole life just because I was always fed onion bagels there. Pre-Onion Rating: 9/10
Wrecking Amount: High
Edible: No
Method: Onions are infused within the bagel bread, appearing as tiny cancers on the bagel. May induce immediate vomitting.
My advice: Quickly lick all the non onion bagels so that they’ll be left for you. Force whoever bought the bagels to eat all the onion ones.

Soup

A whole class of foods, destroyed.
Pre-Onion Rating: 5/10
Wrecking Amount: Very High
Edible: No
Method: Onion chunks are floating in many kinds of soups. If there are no chunks, they are introduced in a more devious way in the form of powder or other flavoring. The sickening onion flavor pervades all.
My advice: If you can smell the onion, don’t even taste it. Soup usually comes out first and you can’t risk losing your appetite before the meal. On the other hand, if you need to lose weight eat this all the time and you’ll never be hungry.

Butter

Why ruin a perfect and simple condiment?
Pre-Onion Rating: 10/10
Wrecking Amount: High
Edible: No
Method: Secret onions are used here, speckled throughout the butter. Will look like butter acne.
My advice: Get another glass of water. You’re going to be eating a lot of dry bread.

Salad

Buried within your fresh greens are the rawest of onions.
Pre-Onion Rating: 8/10
Wrecking Amount: Extreme
Edible: No
Method: Sometimes full onion rings will be used, and only the greens touching them must be removed. But the sneakiest of the preparers will cut up white onions to look like bits of lettuce. Not only are these difficult to spot, but these small chunks spread their flavor around rapidly and thoroughly.
My advice: Even onion lovers are occasionally overwhelmed by raw onions in a salad. I would not take this risk lightly. Claim an onion allergy – no one wants to be sued.

Stuffing

Stuffed with onions.
Pre-Onion Rating: 9/10
Wrecking Amount: High
Edible: No
Method: The onions are mixed in, usually very thick, with the rest of the ingredients. Then it’s baked just enough to let you know that it would be good, but not cooked enough to diminish the onion taste enough to eat. In addition, the onions are fused to everything, so they are basically not removable.
My advice: It’s a waste of time to try to pick out the onions, so fill up on the meat instead. If you don’t know how good stuffing tastes without onions yet, try to avoid knowing – it will make you very angry.

15 Comments

  1. Zane
    Posted November 23, 2014 at 3:13 am

    THANK YOU. Oh dear lord thank you -somebody- feels the same about onions as I do! ;u;

  2. Dan
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    Onions are grown and harvested in the moist blackness of Satan’s own butthole. They enhance nothing but merely overpower EVERYTHING to the point where you forget there was any other food in your mouth but the onion. They taste much like what I imagine an edible corroded battery would taste like. Acidic and a repulsive household cleaner chemical flavor.

    I can tolerate and even enjoy very well cooked onion when they are mellow and sweet. Raw onion is a crime against humanity, however. What was going through the mind of the first human to taste a raw onion? “It burns my tongue and tastes of mammoth dung! DEEELISH!”

    I probably wouldn’t be so upset a majority of the time if it weren’t a default topping on burgers nearly everywhere. I know that even after asking for no onions, mistakes happen- but the evil onions is their ability to permeate everything it touches with its soul flaying flavor. The damage is done, you’ve crossed the Onion Event Horizon from which light nor mass nor time can escape. We now know what dark power is at work in the black hole. Trust not to hope, there is only despair in the face of such destructive evil.

  3. Kavi
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 10:19 pm

    Well, I think onions are delicious!

  4. Chris
    Posted October 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    Onions and garlic are disgusting and should be eradicated from the planet!

  5. jimdan
    Posted September 9, 2012 at 3:37 am

    I hate onions so much I won’t come with 10 feet of it – literally. Onions are 1000 times putrid smelling and nasty tasting than durians. Yuk

  6. Ben
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Onions are evil. Like others here, I very often feel like I’m the only person in the world who despises the taste, look, smell, feel, and sight of onions.

    Thank you for this website!

  7. GP
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 2:15 am

    What really ticks me off about onions is that people lie to me about them not knowing and often just not caring how sensitive I am to their taste. “No, there are no onions in that.” So I take some and when it’s thoroughly disgusting I tell them, “You told me there were no onions. This has onions.” The response makes me want to punch them in the face, even elderly family members: “They’re mixed in.” What the hell does is that supposed to mean? If they’re mixed in, then they’re obviously in there.

    I also “appreciate” brain dead servers in restaurants who just don’t seem to understand the “no onion” instruction. No onion on this, but it’s covered in chives, leeks, shallots, and a score of other names for… onions. The worst was when I ordered a salad and had it come back covered in onions. When I reminded the waitress that I ordered it with no onions, she had the perfect answer, “Those are *green* onions.”

  8. jami
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 12:26 am

    “They just enhance the flavor.”

    Only corpses say that; be careful.

  9. jami
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 12:21 am

    Well, onions are not food you know…

  10. Steven
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Thank you for this!

    I feel like the only person I know who hates onions.

    People always try to tell me that it’s raw onions I hate, and when they’re cooked you can’t even taste them, and they “bring out the flavors.” Nope, they just ruin every bite that has an onion in them. And since they are always finely chopped, there’s no way to pick out all of the onions. Once, my parents made macaroni and cheese with onions. It was tragic. One of my favorite foods – a food almost impossible to screw up – was completely ruined, and for what purpose?

    When I read a recipe and it calls for onions, I read that as saying “extra garlic” instead.

  11. JF
    Posted January 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Are you serious? I love onions and everything you have a picture of above look delicious to me. I love the flavor, texture and look of onions. They are delicious, add tremendous flavor and aroma to food. I could eat an entire onion raw – no problem. I will not eat a hotdog with out onions and mustard. Onions are required on a salad. Liver and Onions – Yes! You have a lot of comments about how you hate onions, but I don’t see any reason for it. What exactly is it that don’t like about the onion and why? Does the onion remind you of some other substance that is unsafe to eat?

    • Ryan
      Posted March 5, 2012 at 10:36 pm

      Yes, it reminds me of poison. There certainly must be foods you don’t like, so just try to imagine that those might be onions for other people.

  12. erric
    Posted August 12, 2011 at 3:39 am

    sometimes i feel like im the only one in the world that hates onions

    • Ryan
      Posted August 31, 2011 at 11:16 am

      It’s poison and only some of us can tell. But you will never be alone.

    • Kara Loko
      Posted May 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm

      You are not the only one. There’s me and I know a few others…

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