Wrecked Foods

All the time I find a new food that I SHOULD like, but I can't because it's laced with nasty onions. The onion lovers say: "Well you can't even taste the onions...". Then why are they there??? The lovers say: "They just enhance the flavor." The flavor was good to begin with, until you wrecked it!


This is one item I really should love. (See Meat) So it was never clear to me exactly why it made me want to puke.
Pre-Onion Rating: 8/10
Wrecking Amount: Very High
Edible: No
Method: The meat is absolutely FILLED with small, almost invisible, onion pieces. It is tough to get a bite without getting a nasty onion into your mouth. Plus, all the meat flavor is infused with that disgusting onion taste.
My advice: Don't waste your time trying to pick them out. Grab some Burger King instead.

Potato Pancakes

What could go wrong with fried potatos? Well, onions.
Pre-Onion Rating: 6/10
Wrecking Amount: Quite High
Edible: No
Method: Sometimes heavy frying can almost kill the onion taste. But the insides have onions that have only been warmed. The onions blend in heavily with the potatos.
My advice: Eat ONLY the crispy outside. The worst onions are hiding inside. Give the rest to your dog. (If you don't like your dog)

Pot Roast

Perfectly good meat, ruined. Pre-Onion Rating: 8/10
Wrecking Amount: Medium
Edible: Yes
Method: Onions are strewn throughout and between the slices of meat. Often the meat is cooked with the onions, destroying the natural goodness of its flavor. No slice of pot roast remains untainted. Even if big onion chunks are not used, the cook will probably use onion soup mix.
My advice: It is possible to pick off all the onions, but just make sure to put them somewhere far from your plate or their stench will ruin your meal. It is possible to detect the original flavor of the meat, but you may need an imagination.


People always try to pass onion bagels off as food. I thought that bagels in the LA area were disgusting for my whole life just because I was always fed onion bagels there. Pre-Onion Rating: 9/10
Wrecking Amount: High
Edible: No
Method: Onions are infused within the bagel bread, appearing as tiny cancers on the bagel. May induce immediate vomitting.
My advice: Quickly lick all the non onion bagels so that they'll be left for you. Force whoever bought the bagels to eat all the onion ones.


A whole class of foods, destroyed.
Pre-Onion Rating: 5/10
Wrecking Amount: Very High
Edible: No
Method: Onion chunks are floating in many kinds of soups. If there are no chunks, they are introduced in a more devious way in the form of powder or other flavoring. The sickening onion flavor pervades all.
My advice: If you can smell the onion, don't even taste it. Soup usually comes out first and you can't risk losing your appetite before the meal. On the other hand, if you need to lose weight eat this all the time and you'll never be hungry.


Why ruin a perfect and simple condiment?
Pre-Onion Rating: 10/10
Wrecking Amount: High
Edible: No
Method: Secret onions are used here, speckled throughout the butter. Will look like butter acne.
My advice: Get another glass of water. You're going to be eating a lot of dry bread.


Buried within your fresh greens are the rawest of onions.
Pre-Onion Rating: 8/10
Wrecking Amount: Extreme
Edible: No
Method: Sometimes full onion rings will be used, and only the greens touching them must be removed. But the sneakiest of the preparers will cut up white onions to look like bits of lettuce. Not only are these difficult to spot, but these small chunks spread their flavor around rapidly and thoroughly.
My advice: Even onion lovers are occasionally overwhelmed by raw onions in a salad. I would not take this risk lightly. Claim an onion allergy - no one wants to be sued.


Stuffed with onions.
Pre-Onion Rating: 9/10
Wrecking Amount: High
Edible: No
Method: The onions are mixed in, usually very thick, with the rest of the ingredients. Then it's baked just enough to let you know that it would be good, but not cooked enough to diminish the onion taste enough to eat. In addition, the onions are fused to everything, so they are basically not removable.
My advice: It's a waste of time to try to pick out the onions, so fill up on the meat instead. If you don't know how good stuffing tastes without onions yet, try to avoid knowing - it will make you very angry.