Note: I (maker of this web page) did not write this article, I read it in the paper and agreed with the sentiment but definitely not all the items. So you can hate-mail me based on my posting it, but please don't hate-mail me thinking I wrote it.

Why We're Leaving Pittsburgh After Just Three Years

by: Enzo Walker and M.Z. Meineke

1. Allegheny County Taxes. The outrageous taxes will continue to drive population away, whether rich, poor or in between. We know someone who owns a second house in Dupont Circle in Washington, D.C. His annual taxes there are $1,500. Meanwhile his taxes on a home in Wilkinsburg are $8,000!
2. A City of Spectators. Pittsburghers live for their mediocre sports teams. Living as a spectator is a sad commentary itself, but to build your life around a bunch of overpaid losers is downright pathetic. By the way, the next three generations of Pittsburghers will spend their lives paying for their losing teams' arenas. And a word of fashion advice to you die-hard Steelers fans: The nylon bomber jacket just does not work with a business suit or dress.
3. The Cradle of Idiocy? This town has an inordinately high percentage of undereducated, mentally dull and socially inept persons. We suspect the steel mills are to blame in at least the first two cases.
4. Chairs on the Street. Get up off of your lazy fat behinds and walk five feet.
5. A City Closed to Outsiders. We spent two years trying to get involved here, socially, politically and economically. Forgive us for not being born here! The No. 1 question asked of transplants is, "Why did you move here?" We still can't determine if the question alludes to there NOT being any reason to move here or if Pittsburghers are just distrustful of anyone who ventures more than a mile from home.
6. Pittsburgh Drivers. They're slow (except when they should be), have no response reflexes, can't parallel park, won't use turn signals, cannot maneuver around a car turning left, often won't turn on headlights in the rain or darkness, and the "Pittsburgh left" is dangerous!
7. New Construction. Projects are never thought out or scheduled in an intelligent or sensible manner. "Hey! Let's build the convention center, and a new high school nearby, and close down the 16th Street Bridge for repairs all at the same time! By the way, is there anything else we can shut down in the vicinity to make things even worse?" And what's the point of offering million-dollar bonuses to firms when they finish projects ahead of time? Did anyone ever stop to think that perhaps the firm was setting the finish date later to account for an early completion?
8. PennDOT and Traffic Light Patterns. Do you people really know anything about traffic patterns? For a good example of Pittsburgh Stupidity, go sit 27 minutes (actual clocked time) at the intersection of Route 28, the 31st Street Bridge and River Road while you wait to get through.
9. A Race War Waiting to Happen. Too many whites in this city are uneducated and indifferent. Too many blacks in this city are uneducated and hostile. You do the math.
10. The Capital of Married Gay Men. There are so many closeted gay men in this city that it's frightening. Come out! You're only denying yourselves and hurting your families.
11. Poor City Event Planning. Do the different city offices ever communicate? Why do you schedule the Summer Arts Festival and the Rib Fest the same weekend when you have a whole summer to work with? Why are there two and three sporting events scheduled the same day?
12. Shoddy Media. From the inane TV newscasts reporting the same bland local news for weeks on end; or the Post-Gazette, which puts sports and features on the front page (a sign that a paper is truly crap); or the scores of lousy radio stations, like the TIRED John/Dave/Bubba/Shelley show (featuring hours of lame, outdated men-versus-women banter) or WYEP, which overdoes it trying to be cool.
13. Lack of Jobs. We're referring to the ones that pay a decent salary, the ones people go to college for. This town has lousy pay and/or no jobs -- yet still they can't understand why the educated leave! A $200,000 positioning statement of gibberish written by a bunch of clueless numb-nuts is not going to draw people here. Especially when you continue to cling to your illustrious steel-mill past. The Industrial Revolution is over, folks!
14. Pittsburghers are incredibly CHEAP!
15. Too many Pittsburghers smoke, chew dip and STILL wear mullets!
16. JEAN FINK! How does an uneducated caterer with NO academic experience remain on the Board of Education for 20-plus years? The answer is simple: It's Pittsburgh!